Sexless relationships and marriages are more common than one might think. In fact, according to the report created by data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz in 2015, ‘sexless marriage’ was the most-searched marriage complaint, surpassing, for example, ‘loveless marriage’ or ‘unhappy marriage.’
While a sexless relationship can survive, it comes at a cost – especially if only one of the partners isn’t interested in having sex. This type of situation can lead to decreased intimacy, feeling of resentment, and in some cases might be the reason for infidelity.
There are some ways in which you could make your relationship work without the need for sex. How exactly could you do that? Well, that’s something we will be discussing in the article below.
Revive Your Sex Life
Lack of intimacy can happen for many reasons, such as a simple lack of time – that’s exactly why before you take any further steps, you need to analyze why your relationship is the way it is. Since in today’s fast-world, finding time for each other can be quite hard, try scheduling private time whenever possible.z
Sexless relationships are often those with kids – after all, with your little one running around, there’s little chance of being intimate. Consider booking a night in a hotel or organizing a weekend getaway – this might help you find the passion lost along the way. If you haven’t had sex for a while, a good idea, according to experts, is to touch each other in an intimate but non-sexual way – the so-called sensate focus.
Don’t pressure one another. Some people might think that they need to have sex every day for a relationship to be healthy. Nothing can be further from the truth – there are no ‘rules’ that you need to follow in order to have a healthy relationship. Take things slow if you need to.
Maybe your partner is not pleased or satisfied in bed but they are too afraid to tell you in case they might offend you… try researching some sex tips online to improve your performance in bed, like our guide on how to give oral sex to a women.
Also, once you are intimate with your partner again, try telling them what you find to be pleasurable. Every person is different and finds pleasure in different things – for example, some people might enjoy using mini sex dolls and consider it to be the epitome of pleasure, while others might prefer using sex toys or having slow passionate sex. The important thing is to communicate those things to your partner.
Communicate With Your Partner
Every person has their own sexual needs – you have yours, while your partner has theirs. The important thing is not to neglect either of them – if you realize that reviving your sex life is not really an option, at least you will have empathy for one another, which can help create a bond in a non-sexual way.
If you are the one who doesn’t feel the desire to have sex, try putting yourself in the shoes of your partner, and understand what they might feel. As we already mentioned, a sexless relationship can often lead to the partner questioning themselves. They might be thinking that something that is wrong with them is the reason for the lack of intimacy.
No matter which side of the relationship you are on, communication with your partner is crucial. If you are experiencing a lower sexual drive, explain it to them – try starting the conversation with something like, ‘I know we haven’t been intimate for a while, and I just want you to know that it’s not your fault.’ If you are the one who feels sexual desire, try something like, ‘I want us to be honest with each other. I feel insecure because we haven’t been intimate lately. Let’s figure something out.’ Remember, there are other ways to be intimate, not only sexual.
Try to Form a Bond In a Non-Sexual Way
If you think that there is no chance of improving your sex life, try creating a bond with your partner in a non-sexual way. There are many things that can help with that:
- Develop and keep rituals together – it can be something as simple as having dinner every weekend, watching a TV show or a movie together, or having game nights every once in a while
- Perform daily acts of kindness – remember, often little things matter much more than grand gestures. Giving compliments, leaving love notes in random places, sending text messages while you’re at work – it all matters more than you think.
- Have stimulating daily conversations – forget about the ‘How was your day?’. Instead, try asking more specific questions that will give your partner the chance to really talk to you, showing that you actually want to hear what they have to say.
- Spend time together without any distractions – whenever you’re having a conversation or going on a date, leave your phone behind, or at least don’t reach out for it. If you’re at home, turn off the TV.
- Exercise together – pick a new sport, go on a jog, or join a workout group – there are tons of options. This will show that both of you care and want to put effort into attracting each other.
The Bottom Line
Lack of intimacy in a relationship can have many reasons, sometimes beyond our control. However, no matter what is the cause, the most important thing to keep in mind is that you and your partner are in this together, as it affects both of you. Remember – the decision regarding what to do with this situation has to be a mutual one.
If you feel like nothing is going to work when it comes to your sex life, maybe you should consider an open relationship – while more unorthodox, it might be the best solution. However, as we mentioned – it has to be a mutual decision, as your partner might not be comfortable with the thought. Good luck!